Envies and blessings
by jellysunfish
Summary: Birthday fic for Acnologiafire. Jealousy is an ugly feeling, but Tang Rou and Su Mucheng don't mind. It brings them closer together, two girls against the world.


Tang Rou envies Su Mucheng for finding her calling so early. She's always felt a little bit lost, trying out nearly everything and yet not finding anything she was really interested in. It made her feel a little bit dead inside as she watched her classmates immerse themselves in their passions while she herself was still floating through life with no goal in mind.

Su Mucheng envies Tang Rou for having had the opportunity to learn so many things. She would never regret her childhood, which her brother and Ye Xiu fought so hard for her to have, but she never knew how much she wanted to be able to play the piano until she heard Tang Rou with her own ears.

Tang Rou envies Su Mucheng for having Ye Xiu. She's always wanted a sibling to share her happiness and sadness with. Though she had had close friends growing up, her large house had always seemed a bit too large with just her and her father in it. And when her father would unload his emotional burdens onto her, in absence of her mother, she wished that there would be someone who would understand that she too was still a child.

Su Mucheng envies Tang Rou for having Chen Guo. Although she had close female friends in school, Esports in general has always been a male-dominated career path. Even her fellow female pro-players often did not have time to see each other in person, each beholden to their respective teams. When she saw those two for the first time at All-Stars, she couldn't help but wish that she also had a big sister figure who could be her confidant and support. God knows Ye Xiu and her brother were completely useless when she had gotten her first period at 14.

Tang Rou envies Su Mucheng for being able to understand Ye Xiu. Ye Xiu has always been a puzzle to her, a solid brick wall in which she can only bang her head against with no hope of getting to the other side. She can see the openings and opportunities that he leaves for her, and follow his instructions, but Su Mucheng can tell what kind of support he needs before he even needs it. She wants to be more useful to Ye Xiu, who came into her life like a barrelling truck and gave her a direction in which to swim.

Su Mucheng envies Tang Rou for learning directly under Ye Xiu in the tenth server. Ye Xiu was already captain of Excellent Era by the time she decided to enter the pro-circle. He was busy with his captain's duties most of the time, and could only spare a few moments to coach her before he collapsed with exhaustion into his bed. She spent so long watching him play to be able to guess his thoughts and intentions, but it's so much harder to adjust to the rhythm of Unspecialized which Tang Rou has already unconsciously internalized through playing with him in the tenth server. She wants to be more useful to Ye Xiu, who has done so much for her for the past ten years.

Tang Rou envies Su Mucheng for her femininity. She had always been teased for being too boyish and stubborn. In truth, she did like those frilly dresses and cute stuffed animals that everyone said didn't suit her. In the end though, she gave up. She abandoned her dresses, cut her hair, her likes, her longings to fit the image everyone had of her. That's why she is so jealous of Su Mucheng. She's able to be one of the strongest pro-players and still hold onto what makes her a girl, a woman.

Su Mucheng envies Tang Rou for her strength. As the sole female on the team and Ye Xiu's supporting partner and little sister, she's always been underestimated as weak. It was hard sometimes to pretend to be oblivious to the comments everyone said about her. In the end though, she played into their expectations. She demurely kept her place and as a result was unable to help Ye Xiu when he needed it the most. That's why she is so jealous of Tang Rou. She's able to fearlessly chase after her goals and say what needs to be said.

Tang Rou and Su Mucheng are each envious of the other. That's what they confide in each other when they stay up late into the night talking. They exchange bits and pieces of their insecurities when the hush and darkness of night lowers their reservations. When the light of day again alights upon their faces, they don't mention their little night-time talks, but after each one, they carry a little deeper of an understanding about the other. Jealousy is an ugly feeling, but Tang Rou and Su Mucheng don't mind. It brings them closer together, two girls against the world. To have met the other and have a reminder that they each have qualities to be jealous of makes them feel just a little bit blessed.


End file.
